I found out today that someone I used to know is gone. I never even really knew him. It was just one of those things. We took a creative writing class together summer before sophomore year, and he was brilliant. He was beautiful. He He shaped my opinion of everything I ever wanted in a guy. In the week that I knew him, he affected me more than I can tell. My shyness prevented me from pursuing a further friendship, but I admit, I kept an eye and ear out for him through the years. I knew he'd won a book review contest and he'd played on the Maury academic challenge team.

He used to sing the Mest song "Chelsea" to me. That's what really brings it all back.

I'm not sure how to feel about this whole thing. It's tragic, because he was so young. I'm just not sure if I'm supposed to cry or not. Grief is a strange thing. In a way, yes, I am terribly upset by this. From the brief week I knew him, he was one of the most amazing people I've ever met.

But can I say that? Do I have a right to? I barely knew him. Why? Because of my damn shyness. My selfishness. So do I have any right to cry right now? I'm not sure.

I've never known anyone, personally, who died before. I guess thats another reason I'm so upset by this.

I'm just so confused right now by everything, and so upset. It just seems like things can change in a second. And that scares me.

I never thought I'd be this emotional about graduating. Granted, I've still got a couple of weeks, but I am DONE - pretty much anyway - with school. It's a strange feeling, really, knowing I have one day next week and one exam the next week, and then I'll be done with high school completely. I've really been anxious for this...school sucks. But all of the sudden everything I've ever known (okay, that's being a bit melodramatic, I realize) is coming to a screeching halt. I practically cried after my last AP language class today.

On the plus side, I get to go to Busch Gardens tomorrow. So there are quite a few pluses to this no-school thing.

Everybody needs a trivial xanga post now and then, right? Well, here comes mine.

I'M GETTING BANGS. And I'm terrified. Ha. There are worse things to be afraid of - like the public speaking engagement I'm doing tomorrow afternoon. Funny thing is that I'm not scared at all of reading my essay tomorrow (not yet, at least) but I'm terrified for my hair appointment in a half hour. It's a big deal, cutting off these bangs...I've had the same hairstyle since I was 8 years old. So it's time for a change, and what better a time to do it 2 weeks before graduation?

So, about cutting my hair: Like graduating, I'm scared but excited for a fresh outlook.

Who knew a haircut could cause so much insight?? Well, maybe I'll come back and post a pic of my new look later tonight.

Long time no update. Mostly because not much has been going on. I quit my Dunkin Donuts job (it sucked) and got a new job at Main Gate. It's pretty much what you'd expect - I pour sodas and shovel popcorn and take people's money. But it's actually pretty okay. The people are uber nice and the time goes by quickly enough. I'm excited about the $$ too. 6$ an hour adds up.

Besides work...hmm. AP tests all throughout the next weeks. 2 this week and 1 next week, and then I have my algebra 2 SOL the 15th. After that, it's all downhill. I'm really excited to be practically done with senior year. Just 37 days until graduation. I can't believe how quickly time has flown.

Well, other than that, nothing really to say. I'm off to the library for a study session with Leia.

Currently Listening The Crane Wife By The Decemberists see related

So I'm just sitting here, bored, listening to The Decemberists, trying to listen to them without letting them get to me too much. It's still kind of hard because every song reminds me of what I once believed to be true...but isn't.

Anyways. Not much new to write about. I started my new job at Dunkin Donuts, which, surprise surprise, sucks. I mean, it's not terrible - all I do is pour coffee, put donuts in bags and ring people up. But still. It's a tiring job, standing on your feet. And I'm only being paid minimum wage at the moment...I get bumped up in two weeks if the boss man thinks I'm doing well.

My parents are out of town with my brothers doing this competition thing for their school, so you'd think I'd have something better to do tonight besides sit here and wallow. But I don't. Ugh.

On the plus side, 52 days til graduation. "How I abhor this place, how the sweet and bitter taste has left me wretching wretched on all fours" pretty much describes my attitude towards school. I freakin hate it. But then again, it's better than work. I just want to fast forward already. Bring on August 25!